waltondammerung

NO, YOU MAY NOT MOVE BACK IN WITH US!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PS But we do love you and still think you're cute!

I think the parent angle is the key - ours is the generation that couldn't trust anyone over 30, so we've readjusted, through our children, just when "30" occurs.

Also, kids are over-programmed from the womb, and I think enter adulthood (yes, you are an adult. Thank goodness adolescence is over!!!) without the ability to make choices among equally acceptable options, because they've never had to make a choice before. What they wanted to do, mom and dad saw that they were allowed or able to do. None of that terrible deprivation of the 60's for our kids.

But I think you've turned out just fine! (and cute.)

I honestly don't understand why anyone would want to move back in with the parents after being away from them during the four (or five or six or seven) years spent in college. My mother and I nearly drove one another insane during the two months between college graduation and my first "adult" job in Virginia. And, please note, I wasn't even LIVING with my mom. I was living with my dad, two and half hours away from Dayton. But just the fact that I wasn't on my own and I wasn't supporting myself was enough to cause my mom to continue to treat me like a child. I couldn't get out fast enough. I like earning my own money, I like having my own home, and I take tremendous pride in the fact that I am so independent and I have absolutely no debt. My parents haven't sent me money since I left two and a half years ago. Now, grant it, what part of my college tuition that wasn't covered by grants and scholarships was paid for by my grandmother, and she also bought me a used car. I am eternally grateful for her generosity, and I fully understand how blessed I was to have someone pay for all of my schooling. Her only conditions were that I take full courseloads, make the Dean's List, work a part-time job to cover my personal expenses, and graduate in four years. I did all of these; in fact, I worked two part-time jobs, and I think it built character.

I think there's a fine line between giving just enough and completely spoiling. My family never crossed the line (I don't think), and for that I thank them from the bottom of my heart. I wish more parents and grandparents would push without alienating and give without overindulging.

Now, having said all that, I am moving to Boston next week (accckkkk!!!!), and I just learned that hiring movers is going to cost me $2,200. When did moving companies start charging so much?!?! For crying outloud, I don't even own a couch!!!! I wish I was a big, strong man who could A) Haul all of my stuff from my current third story apartment and into a van, B) Drive the van while towing my car (and my cats) to a city I've never driven in before, and C) Unload all of my stuff into the new apartment in the snow. (What moron moves to Boston in January, anyway?)

So, my point in saying all of this is that, altogether, this move is going to cost me close to $5,000. And that does not include buying warm clothes, as I have turned into a Southern swamp blossom and have no winter clothes to speak of. So, I may be hitting my dad up for a loan, but not unless I absolutely have to. One of the good things about living in a rural area is that I was able to save about $5,000. (Worked out well, no?) The way I see it is this: My parents supported me for more than 22 years. I think it's time to give them a break.

P.S. You may not be going to Baja, but you ARE going to Hawaii in six weeks.
P.P.S. You will have children before I do.

My parents bought me luggage for my high school graduation. Subtle hint?

First off, I agree with all the points made above and in the post. I've often pondered the 'role' of the post graduate in society, families and the media. How does someone in their early 20's figure it all out?

Don't look to mass media. A quick mental review of tv programs offers few examples of "adult" behavior in 20somethings. Most folks on TV between 20 and 29 are found on shows like "Real World," "The Batchelor," and "Fear Factor." Many of these folks wind up on reality shows due to their lack of 'adult' behavior (career, home ownership/rental, significant other).

For those of us who have chosen to take responsibility for ourselves and/or others, there are few role models our age out there. We'll have to keep on plugging for our own sake and not hold our breath until NBC premiers a show about the trials and tribulations of college sweethearts who marry at 23 and try to live their lives independantly from their parents.

Thanks Amy, for passing this story on to those of us who don't catch the WSJ all that often.

Hey Vic - where in Boston are you moving to? Boston proper? We're in Beverly, which is about 30 minutes north of Boston proper. Look us up some time! (Amy, that gives you yet another reason to come up here and visit some time!)

Well, I think the article is right on a lot of counts, but completely ignores some important points.

A lot of our parents and previous generations had a significant away from home experience -- WWII, Korea, Vietnam, etc. Most of us(now) haven't, though. I think Will's little stint in Japan is the sort of thing a lot of our generation needs.

Although, I think the points about us wanting to live like our well set up middle age parents (No offense!) and meaningful jobs are dead on.

(Hey, whoever said I can't find a good job with my History BA? Oh wait, I can't.)

A comment from a history major...actually using her BA! By working in a small house museum I get to research and teach history. The best part is is that I never have to give pop quizzes!

Peter, I'm going to be living in Cambridge, near the Central Square and Harvard Square T-stops. Sure, I will look you and Becky up sometime! Do you happen to know anything about the Eagle-Tribune Publishing Company? One of my friends is trying to get a job in journalism in the Boston area, and I think she's applying for jobs with that company. It owns newspapers along the North Shore.

Hey, remember that time we all went to Cedar Point and my stupid friend forgot to get his hand stamped when we went to get stuff out of the car? And then you had to pay for his readmission? Ah, good times, good times.

Amy, you must come to Boston now!

I work as an artist and as a slide curator, both of which require an art degree. I am far from rich, but I am living richly.

Vic: I sent you an email, to avoid cluttering these comments up with more off-topic conversation. :-)

I pretty much match up to the described young adult type. (I did spent three years after college with the 'rents, then three years away at grad school, then lived with them again for a few months until I just recently, at 27 have moved out to live in Chicago) I was lucky enough, however to have no debt coming out of my undergrad (but I also had a degree in a field which didn't have much economic value in the first place and I didn't see enjoying either) I have a few comments on your observations:

"People my age expect to have 'meaningful' or artsy jobs, and we spend our college years training ourselves for them. Unfortunately, there aren't many out there, and the ones that do exist don't pay a whole lot. We panic and go home, or we just plain don't get paid enough to live on our own."

I resent the implication that it's wrong to want "artsy" or meaningful work. If this isn't what you implied, I apologize. But seriously, what value is there to working 9-10 hour days for some corporate behemoth making some other guy rich? To say I'm "independent"? Like hell. I'd be dependent on an economic machine that takes more from me than it will ever give back. Let's just say that it did pay me fairly well (which now especially isn't assured in the corporate world - raises are down, and there are 8 other people working 60 hour weeks to get the same promotion you want which will only leave you working just as hard to fill the position). The problem is that you work so damned hard for that money that you probably don't have the energy and definitely don't have the time to enjoy it. Try starting your own business? Ok, well besides having a 33% chance of success, you'd better be resigned to never actually raising your kids while you're busting your butt to keep the doors open and pay off the business loans because you can't afford to pay a decent manager to run your business for you.

"'Young adults today often expect to have a lifestyle that equals the way their parents are living in middle age.' Guilty as charged on that count. At least I'm not living at home to try to fulfill those expectations."

This is definitely true. Having spent the third year of my graduate school time in one of the poorest countries in Eastern Europe, I'd go far enough to say that I have a far better grasp on needs vs. wants, and I've adjusted my lifestyle accordingly. I don't have a couch yet either, I haven't gone out to a nice place to eat in months, my car (though extremely well kept) is almost 13 years old, and I haven't bought a DVD or CD at United States prices for myself in well over a year. These are sacrifices I'm more than willing to make in order to work the kind of job that isn't just a cog in a corporate machine.

While getting more of my life-crises out of the way in the last year than in the prior 25 years of my life (I'm engaged, havea job in my chosen field that pays decently, and successfully completed a project with long-range positive implications to help people in the aforementioned poor Eastern European country), I'm still in something of an existential crisis. Even if our generation learns to eschew the fluff and unneccesary luxuries (fancy cars, stereos, bling) in favor of the things which are presumably more valuable (family, faith, culture), is it still possible to come up with the Benjamins to survive and be fulfilled? My fiancee, while being career driven (not for money, but for doing the kind of work she likes), also wants kids, and pretty soon (cripes, she's only 22!). How can I, in good conscience, bring a child into this world knowing that his/her chances of finding the balance between survival and fulfillment are slim to none in this world? While I like my job, I realize that I need to be prepared to find work in the corporate world just to make sure this child is insured if he/she has a life-threatening illness. Then given the fact that my wife and I will have to work so hard just to keep this child safe and fed, we'll end up having to spend money on keeping this child entertained because we can't be there for him/her. Do you catch my drift? Is there a way, scientifically/economically, to determine if, well, life is worth the cost of living?

I just know that my parents were poor as dirt when I was small. My dad didn't like his job, either. Now they are not poor, my father has a fulfilling and sucessful small business, while my mother is furthering her education. She isn't yet 50! I think that our generation is very impatient.

PLUS, because of the two income 60+ hour work week families, it is much harder these days to make ends meet. How can someone who wants meaningful work and only work 30-40 hours a week max compete with that? Look at the Italians- they are having a good time over there, but not being too productive these days.

What are we to do?

My response has been to find a younger woman with whom, physically speaking, I can safely wait to have children (but she still needs some convincing!). The old ways might have some validity to them.

I am marrying an older man. I highly recommend it :o) He is mature, I am fertile- good combo!